can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
