she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
