i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's shark week go big or go home
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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