I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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