I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
