the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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