I cannot find my penis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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