that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
