where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How does one acquire holy water?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
