Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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