I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
