So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
