Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
