all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
two words: eviction party
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
