I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
