You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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