Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Vodka?
Forever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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