I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
