'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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