my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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