I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
