And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
