someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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