its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
