You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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