i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
