the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
