Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
