first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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