So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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