i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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