Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
