I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
