i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
