like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
