Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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