sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
