I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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