Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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