We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I intend to get homeless drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
