I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
