Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
