An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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