using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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