If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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