he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
