I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
