i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
