I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Small penises have feelings too.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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