One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
