We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
