On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
