Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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