3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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