I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
