No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
