He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
