Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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